I hereby renounce neckties. They are of the devil. I heard, and believe, the story that describes the origination of the basic necktie. It started when a very fat king ruled England. He was so large that his belly served as the prototype of the modern T.V. Tray. Problem was, there was not plastic or aluminum yet and all he had was his shirt and robes to catch the drips, drops, and spills. It was really embarrassing for all of the King's servants to see smudges and leftovers on his royal clothing when foreign dignitaries came to pay homage, or the Queen stepped in to start removing breakfast from his shirt.
The King, however, was not without support. He had a very wise man in his court,who saw an answer, ungodly though it was. He used a Satan pentagramic design to fashion a special cloth that, when hung around a neck, would repel all drips and spillage. It was long with one end being narrow and the other being fat (to cover a wide girth) and it was demonically angular at the bottom. I know it was of the devil because it was made to point DOWN.
The wise counselor presented the demonic instrument to the fat King with great confidence that it would provide a modicum of self-worth, let alone protection from spaghetti and grease. The King loved it and loved it so much he ordered a new one for each day, some with pretty designs and devilish sayings that would disguise the food stains deposited on it during each meal. The counselor was so proud, an evil thought came into his mind. "If I can invest in a Tie factory, and if I can convince the King to decree a Necktie for every true man, I will be rich. He did and there you have it. Demonically invented cloths have been hung around the necks of witless men ever since.
Knowing that the scripture says; "you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free," I choose freedom. No More Neckties! Amen!
All in good fun..
Pastor Jim
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